Can a Coach Help Me If My Brain Works Differently?
Are you looking at this post because things don’t seem to be adding up? You’ve achieved a lot, maybe a career, family, friends, and a life that looks successful from the outside yet something is missing. You solve complex problems, learn quickly, and often become the person other people come to for answers. You may have struggled to see results with coaches and therapists despite putting in the effort? Overall, life still takes far more energy than it seems like it should.
You’re smart and capable but can’t seem to actualize what others see in you. Or maybe what you see in yourself. I’ve been there. I promise it’s not as BIG as it FEELS, and far simpler than your complex thinking may be making it.
It’s not you. You are capable. I promise. If you’re asking this question then what you’re looking for isn’t productivity hacks and tools, it’s new rules of how to understand and organize yourself.
Brilliance often isolates us, requires more upfront work for a manageable life, and sets us up for a truly deep and meaningful life. If you’re willing to work. Greatness isn’t free.
Can a coach help me if my brain works differently?
Yes, absolutely, if the coach is more developed than most surface level coaches, understanding that different ways of thinking need different approaches. And it helps if your coach is capable of different ways of thinking.
Most people think in a fairly linear sequence. They begin at A, move through B and C, and eventually reach a conclusion. This is why we write papers linearly, conversations have a linear progression, movies typically don’t have twist and turns outside the primary narrative, and life has a line it tries to shove you into from birth, through school, into career, corporate ladder, retirement, and end of life. All of those things are fundamentally a linear progression and expectation. You don’t see many fifty year olds taking college classes right?
Not everyone thinks this way. Associative thinkers begin at A, jump to G because it connects to an old memory or is similar to A, move to J because that brings up a related idea, and then arrive at Z with a conclusion that makes complete sense to them. The magic is how fast this happens. It’s like looking standing in a huge mental library and grabbing exactly what you need when you need it, vs reading through other books to figure out which ones you don’t need. It’s a more direct way of thinking. Problem is these thoughts happens so quickly, other people won’t keep up nor understand you. And if you don’t know you think this way then you won’t be able to explain how you got to your conclusions without paying attention to those thoughts.
There’s more cool stuff here! Some people think visually or spatially. Information seems to live in different places in their mind. They may look around while speaking, point toward ideas in space, or physically orient themselves while sorting through a thought. Others think systemically. They want to see all the parts together before reaching a conclusion, so they use spreadsheets, documents, mind maps, or large whiteboards to make the whole system visible.
These ways of thinking may show up in people with ADHD, autism, AuDHD, giftedness, twice-exceptionality, or no diagnosis at all - Simply really “smart.” Some people may be perceived as being “on the spectrum” simply because they communicate or organize information differently from the people around them. The label matters less than understanding how the person actually thinks.
🔸You weren’t meant to shrink yourself down to a diagnosis🔸
If you don’t understand your own process, you may spend years assuming you’re scattered, overly complicated, bad at communicating, or incapable of following through. You may actually be using a fast, complex brain inside systems designed for linear thinkers. That’s it. This is why the right coach matters.
Different thinking needs translation
A coach doesn’t always need to think exactly like the client, but they need to know how to help that person organize, translate, and land their thinking.
“Why is this story connected to the original question? What are the emotional or logical links between these ideas? How do you see this in your head? Where does that leave us?” These are all questions I often ask my clients because they often don’t pay attention to their process.
Those questions help someone see the structure of their own thinking. They also build the ability to communicate with people who may not process information at the same speed or in the same way. Simply put. We don’t need this to be complex.
There is a difference between having a brilliant thought and being able to use it.
A strong coach helps turn internal complexity into language, decisions, and action.
Why do I feel stuck even though I’m smart?
Intelligence helps you understand a problem. It doesn’t automatically help you act.
The gap between knowing and doing can come from several places. The goal may be something you think you “should do” instead of something you actually desire. The first step may be unclear. Too many possible paths can make prioritizing difficult. The task may require more decisions than it appears to. The reward may feel too distant, working memory may become overloaded, or fear may be attached to the outcome. Stress, exhaustion, poor sleep, anxiety, depression, or the surrounding environment can add even more bullshit to the process that you can’t see because you’re up in your head so much. You’re not noticing your body is simply tired so thoughts are fuzzy.
For many people, the first question is whether they genuinely want the thing they’re trying to force themselves to do.
“I should exercise.”
“I should build the business.”
“I should organize the house.”
“I should be further ahead.”
These goals may be logical, but logic alone doesn’t create motivation. Emotion gives the goal value. If you don’t feel connected to the outcome in a positive and significant way, you may understand the task perfectly and still have no real reason to move toward it.
For associative thinkers, the task may not be simple but once the associative emotions and thoughts attach to it - welcome to overwhelm town!
An associative thinker can look at one small action and immediately connect it to ten other actions, previous failures, future consequences, other people’s judgment, and every possible way the plan could go wrong. What looked like one task is now a miasma of related items. This si where a coach can help you learn to organize your thoughts and feelings better.
Your ability to deal with life is commensurate with your ability to deal with yourself. The more skilled you are at managing your thoughts and feelings, the more of you comes to the fight when life throws adversity at you!
You may already know enough but suck at feeling
Highly intelligent people are often excellent at research. They read books, watch videos, build spreadsheets, compare methods, and learn enough to spot errors in the logic of those teaching it.
The problem is that’s all thinking with very little feeling involved. Imbalanced. Balance is hard. I spend a lot of time with very intelligent people asking, “How you actually FEEL about this?”
I once worked with someone who owned four large bins of business books. I asked whether they’d noticed that much of the information in the books repeated. I mean c’mon. All the books are covering the same principles overall. They paused and said yes. Then I asked whether they’d considered that they probably knew enough. It was the execution they were struggling with?
Their shoulders dropped. They didn’t need to know more. They needed to confront the fear they couldn’t see that kept them from success. Research is safe. Action creates consequences.
What if you fail? What if you succeed and can’t handle the responsibility? What if the thing you’ve imagined for years becomes real and still doesn’t satisfy you?
Fear of failure and success are both very real things. Feelings are motivators that can hold us in place and power us through to success.
Time Management Strategies - If you’re interested in some nuts and bolts of how to.
Can someone help me build a life that fits my brain?
Yes, AND a life that fits your brain isn’t a life without responsibility, compromise, or discomfort. It’s a life built with enough self-knowledge that you stop creating unnecessary bullshit in your life.
This begins with ordinary things. Maybe all the coffee supplies need to stay together because seeing them prompts the routine. Maybe whiteboards help you and your partner think through complex decisions that can be mapped spatially. Maybe bright light during the day helps you focus, while low light in the evening helps you settle. You may need noise-canceling headphones at work, a laminated card in the shower to remind you not to get lost in thought (I actually did this!), a different desktop layout, more visual notes, or a morning routine that begins with music and movement instead of silence and a planner.
Your way is the right way when it works, creates the needed result, and respects the legitimate needs of the people around you that you care about.
Building a great life isn’t about making everyone else manage your needs. It’s about understanding yourself well enough to manage yourself within your world, in cooperation with those you share it with.
That approach builds agency instead of creating victimhood. Afterall, the stronger you become by learning to manage your discomforts and upsets, the more of life you will be capable of engaging with!
The goal isn’t to discover the one most amazingly correct system.
🔸The goal is to build someone so capable and grounded that reality itself changes to meet you.
🔸Head on.
A more fulfilling, AWESOME, life:
I’ve worked with many people who’ve spent years being misunderstood. This work is not about fixing broken. It is about restoring your authentic self in a manner that can face life head on.
All humans have strengths and weaknesses. We all have to deal with that. The difference is whether or not you’re ready to face yours.
Consider this:
A great life isn’t one of comfort but one of harships that knits together and forges a great person.
Maybe it takes longer to fully understand and engage with a being of great thought and intense feeling like yourself. Maybe now is the time to figure yourself out?
🔸You don’t need someone to slow you down.
🔸You need someone as fast as you, who sees what you can’t, and can translate that into your unique way of moving forward.
A coach can help if your brain works differently, but not every coach will know how to work with you. And not all can keep up.
You may already have more than enough intelligence. Perhaps intense feelings? What you need is a life that uses more of what you’re capable of. And that won’t come until you sort yourself out. And no one does that alone.
No great person was ever considered normal. They all stood out. That path is harder yet well known.
We are not meant to do this alone. This is very doable.
🔸Jump into a free call to map the patterns you’re stuck in and find what moves you forward.🔸
Still not sure? Check this out - Is ADHD Coaching actually worth the money?